Making money at home!

I  am really trying to branch out just enough that being a single parent I can still afford to give my son the luxuries of a two parent household, or at least be able to afford daycare, an apartment, and still eat and have gas! 

I already do a bunch of things "on the side," and I want to help them become bigger. 

I need to create myself a to do list daily! 

1. Etsy- I have sold every babyfood jar my son ever ate, and made money doing it. We are out of the babyfood stage, so on to other adventures! I'm hoping to list around five new items a week.  Last year I made around $500. 

2. EBay- I used to list like crazy, and I used to do alright, but I lose motivation, quickly... 

 

3. I am brand new to direct sales! I just started selling ThirtyOne and I love love love it! I'm having trouble reaching new people so far, hoping my vendor events help! 

4. Swap.com - I resell kids and women's clothing, my grand total since October 2013, is just over $1000 in sales. It negates the clothing I buy my son! I don't spend much and rarely buy new.

And I save money in as many ways as possible. 

1. Thrift stores- I alternate between 3, I go at least once a month. Always keep your eyes open for things to resell! 

2. Yard sales- are even better, people give things away! Read my earlier post for more on that! 

3. Yerdle app. - sell others things for credits, and but what you need for shipping! 

4. Swap.com again- I also can trade items I have listed for items I need, then collect them until I have enough to make shipping worthwhile! 

It's been rough.

I tried breastfeeding my little man when he was born. He screamed, cried, fussed, and wanted to nurse constantly. My mom told me she didn't think he was getting enough to eat, eventually I gave in and started him on formula. He was on that formula until very recently. 

I was told when he was 6 months old he had acid reflux, they started him on medication for that. It didn't work so we started him on another. He's still on the Prevacid.

But here's the problem; the MSPI was never diagnosed until he was 9 months despite the million trips to the doctors. We drove two hours away for them to test his stool and announce that was probably most of his problem.

Why couldn't our useless pediatric office do this before now!?!?

How I want to ask them.

MSPI

My son has just turned nine months old a few days ago. (Yes I feel old!) Since my little man has entered this world we have been having major issues with "spitting up" as the doctors have been calling it. My son Willy, will eat a bottle, at say 8 am, he will usually keep it down for a good 20 minutes, sometimes not that long, he will then puke off and on until its time for the next bottle. 

This has happened since he was born. I complained about it and asked when he was three days old. At the time he was breastfeeding. When he was five days old I was truly unsure he was keeping anything down at all and went back again. This process has been ongoing since. 

We started medicine for acid reflux. It took two weeks for our insurance and our doctor to approve the prescription for us. So, first we started on Zantac. My son was up screaming and crying all night every night for the week and a half I left him on it. Finally, I got fed up and stopped giving it to him. 

About a month later we went back. Willy was broke out in a head to toe rash that covered his body in red bumps. The doctor said he had a summer virus. That he indeed did, complete with mouth sores, he gave it to his little girl friend and all. However, this rash didn't go away. So, we returned another month later. They said he had eczema and prescribed him zytrec. Our doctor then asked how the Zantac was working and I told her I stopped giving it to him, it wasn't helping and I couldn't take him screaming all night every night. 

So, I explained to her again that he throws up everything and at this point we were all used to it so we didn't even think about it, but I hadn't slept in ages. (And bahaha Willy is sleeping now and I'm writing to you!). She prescribed Prilosec. 

This prescription took another 2 weeks to be approved. 

She asked us to call after two weeks. We did, he went from throwing up 6-8 times between every feeding to 3-4. Much nicer, but still outrageous. She then switched his formula to Alimentum. He was on Alimentum for over a month. No one bothered to give me a letter for WIC so I have been paying for it out of pocket. Which was fine until we realized it isn't doing much either. It did cause him to throw up a bit less at a time, but he's still throwing up. 

Today, my 9 month old was finally diagnosed with a MSPI allergy. 

A simple test our doctor couldn't bother to do, we had to drive two hours to see a  specialist to find out he has blood in his stool. 

Cool. More on how we are going to approach this later. I need sleep! 

Musing

This blog was created for my musings, I haven't posted in a while because of various things in life happening. I do a lot of complaining on here though. But here goes something... I'm not sure what I even want to say. 

Love. I don't think I believe in it, in one way. 

In another I know exactly what love is. My two foot tall, chunky little guy shows me every day. He sits beside me or on my lap and just looks at me. His lips are curled into a smile - and nothing in the world can break that gaze for a few minutes. He has me so wrapped around his finger it isn't funny either. He cries and I jump to fix whatever is suddenly wrong, like giving him back his paci, or helping him till over (both he can do himself). That's unconditional love. And there is absolutely no doubt about it! 

Megan's law

We have a lot of safeguards in this country that are suppose to protect us; they are suppose to keep us safe. The problem is when they don't. What happens when someone gets ahold of these safe guards and transforms them into a way of ruining lives..? Literately.
New federal provisions have made it so ANY one charged with a sexual offense now has to register with Megan's law for a minimum of fifteen years. This includes those individuals who are considered non-violent. This also applies to new and old charges.
Previously Megan's law applied to only violent offenders; and registration lasted between 5 years and life. Now; there is more ways than ever to get accused and charged with sex crimes in this country. Everyone now has to register. There have been many cases recently of people getting charged with possession or intent to distribute pornography for example because of pictures on their phones or computers. Some of these people are 17-18 years old. Bad break ups seems to be a pretty common thing lately too. If you have been dating someone and you split up, seriously if they upset you enough and you call rape, it is your word against theirs. And sadly enough; a good sob story, a good lawyer and the guy will almost always lose. For some stupid reason we teach our children to tell if someone touches you. Most don't understand what the difference even is and they say one thing that gets blown out of proportion.
This new federal mandate; half of the states in the United States have said they are not complying with it. This is because those types of cases. By expanding Megan's law a state may go from having a few hundred offenders to having thousands of offenders. All of these people are lumped together. There is little or no distinction between the person with nude pictures on their phone and the one who was raping young kids.

I feel like we need to want better for our children. I'm a soon to be parent; who will never again look at the Megan's law registry, I feel as though we should give people chances to rebuild their lives after they have messed up. One text message, one bad breakup, or one time where there was too much of an age gap should not ruin your life. Unfortunately, we have made it so it will.

It has been a year?!?

A year ago today, Brett went to jail. I told him good luck, and kissed him goodbye for the last time I would be able to kiss him in a little over two months. Then, we had only been together for about two months. I promised him I would be here for him no matter what; I didn't promise him we would still be together.
Today, we are engaged. I am five months pregnant, and we are expecting our first. Today, parole is over and probation starts, although I don't think anything changes. We have made it through the mountain loads of crap over the last year. However; our battles are still not over, now they have shifted from being related to his past, to being related to our present and our family. I am proud of where we are today, yet we are still struggling. 
I really hope that something good happens for the two of us. But, we have our small blessing of our family, and we have each other. 

I have a biting attitude tonight

I have a very biting attitude tonight. I feel like I am annoyed with the world, as well as, myself. I realize this world we live in is chaotic and sometimes flat out horrible. I know that somewhere there is good in everyone. I am usually one of the few willing to try to find it. But there are some people, whom I really cannot lately.

I don't care if you don't like me; but if you don't - don't pretend to to my face and run your mouth about me behind my back. It is just annoying. If there is a reason you must rant about someone you don't like, you do it to someone close to you and then drop it, they shouldn't be the only thing you talk about.
It saddens me a bit that I will be bringing my child into this world that right now, doesn't have a whole lot going for it. I am ashamed of peoples attitudes I should be able to depend on.

It is said you have two families in the world, the one you are born into and the one you claim. I guess my family is a combination of both, and they stretch across the continents. When I need something, or at least someone to talk to I don't even think about calling them even if it's three am.  I am saddened by the fact there are people I used to be this close to; who now, although they still pretend to be my friend, never have anything to say behind my back.

First, what I will or will not do with my baby, and my family, is up to me. Sorry, as much as you want to add in your advice it is my decision. I plan on finishing school for the sake of having something in the future; for the ability to provide for myself, and most importantly it is something I need to do for myself. I don't mean that in a selfish way, I mean that I am almost done, and there is no reason to give up now. If you don't approve, keep it to yourself.
Second, I have no need at this moment to run out and get married to impress anyone. Oh yeah it looks really bad - the divorce rate is like 60%; does it matter if I just decide not to rush into it just because I am expecting? Really, I don't think it matters.
Third, it is okay to ask for help, and at some point we have all needed to do so. The problem is when you become dependent on that help. Thankfully, I have people in my life who are willing to give me that help. Asking for help doesn't make you weak, it means you are willing to admit when you need help. Nothing more.

We are all fighting our own battles, before you open you mouth; think for a minute before you judge.

Proud of where we are in life

I am proud of where we are right now. I am almost done with college. In a few months, we will be welcoming a little one into the world. I love my family we have created.
I really just have a relationship rant here.
I am so proud of who we are today. I am proud of what we have made it through with a smile and a hug to make the worst days better. I feel like we have pulled each other out of the darkest holes over the last year. Some of the things we have overcame have seriously been enough to rip anyone apart. We have made it.

Seriously, I am filed with love and admiration right now. Even though I wish things would change and work out for us. As always we will get there.

Mainstream and deviance

We all are suppose to be "mainstream" and we are all suppose to be "normal" but what are these? To be average, there has to be a group that is below average and one that's above average. Superiority is a given. We are stopped to "stay out of trouble," but who determines what's wrong?
If we didn't have someone to do what we consider horrible jobs, someone would still have to do them.
Our society is the first to judge other members in it based on the middle class values. Who decides these values? The middle class, I hate to tell you doesn't.
Deviant
We are all deviant. We all do stuff other people don't appreciate; if we didn't we would be essentially robots. Some people are in a sense. However; why subscribe to a set of values most people share if they are terrible. If you hate gay people (I think of this example after some religious official announced that gays should 'die out'), you have a right to be smacked maybe. As a country we aren't very supportive of gays. But we are also against them being in our military. If you want to go serve in the military and risk your life for this country I don't care who you are thank you! I don't care who is defending me, I can sleep tonight.

Following what norms and values are taught to you are great.

Christopher Columbus didn't listen when they said the world was flat.
Ben Franklin didn't listen when he was told his inventions wouldn't work.
The civil rights movement worked because people stopped listening to the Jim Crow laws.
Women's suffrage worked because they realized that the laws were unfair and they started to challenge the ideas.

You are reading this because I have a right to say this. Because along the way, free speech was acquired for me through people being "deviant" being labeled as "criminal" and standing up in what they believe in.

Never judge people based on labels. We each are trying to find who we are and what we believe in. So, don't believe in everything you read, hear, or see. There may just be more to it than you think.

Never leave a man behind

I title this the marine motto; I feel you will understand later.

One of my better qualities is and probably will always be caring about other people. I get a lot of credit from my friends on the idea of acceptance. They will tell you I am the most forgiving and overlooking friend they have. The truth may simply be that I am not. I am full of prejudices, and stereotypes. I am the first to judge. My personal goal is to break this though; each new person I meet brings a new perspective; I get to know them and I respect them.
We are all a judging society. Most don't bother to take the chance to get to know people. There was a point I didn't either. As a result; my friends aren't just like me. I have friends from all backgrounds. They each have their own flaws. Some of these things drive me nuts! But I love them just the same.
You can judge someone based on so many things; but you can also be the person who says wow they are weird, I wonder what their story is. When you learn about a person you are learning about yourself. You are learning to accept another group who you may have had no idea about who they are. When they mess up; remember who they are. Understand what they are going through before you decide to be judgmental and join the group of people against them once again.

Rules of relationships

Rule 1: the arguments of two adults are private; and not to be posted on Facebook.
Rule 2: if that is the only place they will talk-don't bother.
Rule 3: yes you have to talk
Rule 4: make up sex is fine, but you still need to talk about it
Rule 5: shut up and listen.
Rule 6: sometimes you have to let it go
Rule 7: stand up for yourself
Rule 8: don't be afraid to say no; if you are leave
Rule 9: if you say you are going to call; do it
Rule 10: girls over think everything
Rule 11: if they are mad let them talk
Rule 12: realize when it's time to try again tomorrow sometimes your just going to keep getting more and more irritated
Rule 13: we all have devices with calendars and alarms - remember their birthday and your anniversary
Rule 14: talk with the person before you change your relationship status on Facebook, then let it go, you don't need to change it three seconds after starting a relationship, or ending one, or any other complicated things
Rule 15: also Facebook: if you need to tell them you love them every status you post your ticking off your friends
Rule 16: talk outside of Facebook.. Please?
Rule 17: unplug! No cell phone on your finger tips, no laptop no iPod, spend time without being plugged into the world or social media. If you can't enjoy that you shouldn't be together.
Rule 18: give each other space don't text them all day long; don't go every where with them, and don't demand to know what they are doing
Rule 19: have your own friends as well as the mutual ones
Rule 20: you go out with your friends, they go out with theirs. You don't go out with theirs without them and vice versa.

If I post it, I probably wrote it.

It makes my day to see other people smile.

One step forward, and four back; isn't that the story of us?

It has nothing to do with liking you or not, it has to do with, are you someone I can depend on in my life...? If not, there's no point.

I will not pretend to be someone I am not, I might bite my tongue when I disagree but I will always stand up for what I believe in.

I don't have to like the things you do, to support you. I don't have to agree with everything you say to listen. I don't have to believe in your dreams to help you accomplish them. I just have to love you and help you realize how amazing you truly are.

I am going to start wishing on airplanes in the night sky.

As another chapter closes for us; I am having a hard time distinguishing reality from happily ever after ♥!

People have a very animal-istic quality to them, they can be cute and cuddly, but when you piss them off they can tear you to pieces.

Energy drinks good for studying; bad for sleep!

Make sure that everything you do in life has a point, and make sure it is worth it.

A guy should treat you like a princess; even when you are being the evil queen.

Guy VS Girl

Okay, so I may be a girl, but I feel like I hear many more opinions from my male friends than most girls do, so I will share with you the guy vs girls ideas on relationships. I expressed some of these earlier and the guy who was sitting with the bunch of girls I was sitting with was in total agreeance and I do not know him all that well.

Girls are usually looking for relationships. As soon as one ends they are looking for whose next, or still grieving over the one they had last. Girls seem to "hunt" for the perfect guy. 
Guys aren't.
Girls are always going on and on about how this guy they like, and likes them won't go out with them because he "isn't looking for a relationship right now." Dear girls, no guy is ever looking for a relationship. Really. Guys fall into relationships by sheer chance and because they like you enough they don't want to lose you, or they fall into them because most girls won't have sex outside of a relationship. Guys don't hunt for the perfect date, if they are eagerly searching, it is more than likely just for sex.
Good relationships probably are those founded from sheer luck and enough like to not want to look any further. We fall in love not because we have been hunting for each other, but because we become attached to a person who over time we are afraid to live without, and never want to lose. A relationship is founded on the friendship first more so than the fact you were both single and were looking for a relationship.

The Small Town Perspective on Life.

How do you see the world? How do you see everything in it? Have you fallen in love with your high school crush after failing with every 'better' guy you have tried to find along the way? Do you still call home as much as possible because your family is the most important thing in the world to you? Are your neighbors people you know and trust? Are you thankful for the experiences you have?

I am thankful to know the people who live near me, I am thankful for getting to know them. I am thankful that I grew up working for what I wanted in life, I am glad handouts were discouraged, if you want it you have to make an effort. I am thankful to have grown up knowing 1,000 odd things as a result of family businesses, family friends, and experiences I have acquired that are unique only to me and my family. I don't have the experiences of walking to a friends house, or playing basketball in the streets in the summer, but if you do, you don't share my experiences who have made me who I am today.
I go to a private college which costs a fortune. Everyone assumes in order to be here your family must be well off to begin with, no my family fights tooth and nail to be able to get through today, but I would not be the person I am today without that experience which has made me 10 times more accepting of other situations. I strongly believe most people complaining how they can't find work or get ahead are afraid to get their hands dirty. I don't like being dirty, but I have no problem getting dirty. I will shower later.
I have grown up on and around farms my entire life, I quickly was taught not to run in a barn, and to watch where I stand behind a cow. I quickly learned to get anything done, you are going to get dirty. I learned to get a calf to drink you have to shove it's head in a bucket, and I learned the birds and the bees through the animals too. I also learned where milk, meat, cheese and ice cream came from. I learned that hay doesn't come out of the sky, and it takes a ton of work to get it done, and a close knit community when something happens. Your friends come out of the woodwork to help in a tough time, and I have thrown hay in more peoples barns than I can count.
My Dad has been a farrier since he was in the Army before I was born. He doesn't do much of it now, but as a result I learned that not everyone who has animals are smart enough to take care of them. I learned how to hold a horse who is trying to kill me to get away, I learned to not be afraid of anything. I learned that when you get knocked down you get back up. I learned that it is once again impossible to stay clean and you will get dirt and poop on you. It's a fact. I learned that donkeys are stupid, as are cows, and donkeys have a very unique smell to them, it's gross.
We have raised chickens, ducks, turkeys, and once I even caught a peacock who was lost and hanging out in my pasture. I learned weasels will eat anything in the world, and that we lost a ton of chicks to them over the years. I learned a snake will steal the eggs out of the coop, and I learned that sometimes chickens will overwhelm you with eggs and how to cook them in 1,000 ways to get rid of them. A homemade angel food cake takes 12 eggs.

Creating a criminal

                The plan was nearly complete, the five foot three petite woman standing before them would soon become a person that would be unsuspected by all. She grabbed her gun and went into the bedroom. When she returned she was dressed in a black negligee and black knee-high boots, she was going to cause a disturbance to the people she was going to see anyhow, why did it matter how much attention she pulled?

                She went out the door with her accomplices at her side.  All three piled into the black SUV with tinted windows and they began their journey to the residence of the individual they planned on murdering. When they arrived, only she exited the car, and went and knocked on the door. The man who answered the door was exactly the one who they had come for. Dressed in the manner in which she was, he never suspected anything was wrong as he let her inside.

                He had been known to lure in young women, when he did so, he made them feel like princesses, until later when he would abuse them. He had a few situations where the girls just got bored and left on their own, and he encouraged them to send their friends over. He assumed this was just one of those situations. He offered her a drink and headed into the kitchen.  From her boot, she pulled out her gun, shot him in the back of the head.  

                Who would have ever suspected she was a hired hit man? He had messed with a few too many women in this town, and a price was placed on his head.  She needed the money, for her own life was threatened if she could not pay off old debts. The men who were with her in the beginning were sent to explain the offer and make sure she completed the task. For $50,000 cash, what was one less scum on the streets?

My 100th post!

Will not be in a grim mood! Amazingly!

We often underestimate the force we have upon other people. We often underestimate the forces they have on us. We may not be in a bad mood because of them, they may have nothing to do with it, but to see a friend in a bad mood puts us in a less than perfect mood, to see them in a good mood and have a good outlook and attitude towards life, improves our mood as well. We all reach points in our lives where we realize we need to change something in order to be happy, to find what we have been looking for; sometimes we aren't even sure what that is we were looking for.

Doubts
Lately, I have had a lot of them. When ever we seem to be making progress with one thing four more things step in to push us back. Some days it is just like why bother, this is more work than it is worth. We make it through though, we pull through and we end up on the other side of the tunnel with a smile on our faces because we were able to overcome it. We made it. Life is full of challenges and hurdles; some days I feel like they are all being thrown at me! One step forward, and four steps back; isn't that the story of my life, our lives, and most certainly our relationship?
I do not want perfection, I do not want everything to go the way I want it too, life would be pretty boring if it did, I just want a break once and a while and not feel like once again that we take one step forward to get pushed back four steps. I feel like we are getting no where, yet after we make it through one thing, I wonder why I ever questioned it before. We talked about this last night.

We will make it, we always do, we are stronger for it, and at the end of the worst of days, I know you are there for me, and I am pretty sure you know that goes both ways. We've got this!

Meanwhile; SMILE it really does get better than the worst days, and even when you feel like you are making no progress on anything realize you do not need to be miserable. Smile at the stupid things, smile for someone else's good luck and be happy you are still alive and have people who love and support you no matter how much you screw up and no matter where you are or what you did. Life is fragile, and you never know what is going to happen next. Be thankful for those who mean the world to you and make sure they know it!

LIVE ~ LAUGH ~ LOVE

99th published post!

After considerations, I never posted 100 posts, this is number 99.
Other than that the title is irrelevant, because I feel like ranting a bit.


What do you wish you could change about your significant other? Do not tell me nothing. We all love the "you are perfect just the way you are" quotes, but let's be truthful that is a load of poop. We all could use some improvement and we all should be striving to better ourselves. That should be our goal. So, we might not all openly complain about our significants to strangers but the truth of the matter is we are all annoyed with them at some point. I am 100% positive, mine also has some complaints regarding me; however, I am pretty sure he won't tell me them.

It comes down to, as much as I accept these parts, they still annoy me, and some days they truly tick me off. They do not seem to be worth breaking up over, but they are something that occasionally comes between us.

Occasionally, I want to be the center of the universe and want everything to be about me as well. Most days that I really could use a taste of that, it doesn't happen. This doesn't in my opinion make me pompus or conceited, this just makes me human and some days I am like the annoying little puppy that keeps chewing on your favorite shoe, I need attention.

100 posts! Almost!

When I posted the post about poems my blogger told me that was my 100th post! But then I realized only 85 of them were posted, so, I had to go publish some older posts so that they were public, things seem less personal when you wait a few months! So, there's new posts throughout my blog, I doubt your bored enough to look for them, but the flood on today is not really all from today!

I have been busy as heck lately. Life has been a bit less than kind! But recently I have helped make maple syrup, spent a lot of time with family members I usually stay away from and tried to keep my head above the water, which some days is not as simple as it should be! School is keeping me running on empty add in everything else, I have no energy for anything!

Meanwhile, the boyfriend and I are well, other than I am pulling teeth to get him to... how to put nicely.. find some independence..? That is a battle and a half and will be saved for a post of it's own.

Questions...Thoughts, musing riddles

I have a lot of questions floating around in my head lately, I don't wish to share my thoughts on most, but I will share the questions.

Relationships both sexual and friendship kinds

Are some people incapable of commitments?
Can you ever go backwards with a relationship?
Does true forgiveness actually exist or do we just pretend it never happened?
Can you ever be just friends after you have done more than that?
Will things ever be normal?
Will they ever be the same?
Do people change, at all? A lot? A little? Or Only because of huge life changing events?
Are there unsaid feelings after this long?
Why can't he and I speak now?
Is it necessary to stalk someone you "love"?
Is it ever okay to stalk someone?
Is it okay to check up on an old friend without them knowing?
Is it okay to check up on your ex?
Friendship is a two ended sword, one side wont stay sharp when the other is dull.
It isn't that I don't like you, I just hate everyone.

 Life and its issues

Does everyone worry this much?
Will I make it through this week without crying?
Why can I never get enough sleep?
Is it better to know before or after?
Can you really change the future?
How about the past?
Do things return to normal?
I am not smart, I am just easily intrigued.
Hibernation - I want to crawl in a hole and sleep for the whole summer to avoid all the drama, sure I'll miss good things but missing the bad would just make it worth it.

We are perfect

We have the most honest, most open relationship I have ever seen in my life. We hold nothing back, we hold no secrets and even though we do quarrel with one another, we work it out. Sometimes it seems like nothing works out in our favor, and this last week that has definitely held to be true. We still have each other, and as long as we are open and honest with one another we will continue to have each other. I love you baby, and I miss having a chance to talk to you, I feel like it has been ages, and in a way a week seems like a year because I have not talked to you. I have gotten word from you via your mom, but it seems so surreal. I don't know, but I miss being able to talk to you baby. I am sorry we fought all weekend, I do love you, and I am sorry we have our fights. We have an amazing relationship, and I truly want it to work. Don't give up on me baby, and don't give up on yourself. At the end of the day please remember that you are amazing and I love you, I am here for you no matter what. XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO

People Don't Think

People don't think, and you can't fix stupid.

Happy Halloween everyone. I am tired of hearing this week about how people constantly land themselves in bad situations. Bad situations find us all, life is far from perfect, people change and sometimes we all need to be a friend or be there for one who's having a rough time. However, if you don't want to so something because it is going to lead to something you regret or something that is going to hurt with

That's not how I was raised.

I am tired of girls acting like it is essential to have a guy in their life. A guy is an added bonus to life, one that can cause you a lot of grief or make it absolutely amazing; however, before I run off and have kids and get married I want to feel I accomplished something myself.

My version of Crazy Girl by Eli Young Band

Sometimes we argue sometimes we fight,
sometimes I just want to be mad at you,
let me walk away, I'll come back baby,
I have no intentions of leaving,
I love you like crazy.

Three months ago, the night we started dating, oh how things havechanged.

Life is perfect life's a mess. (don't worry 'bout a thing). My life feels perfect sometimes, other times I realize my mistake can ruin my plans. His mistake is ruining his life. And yet with him it doesn't seem to matter, I look forward to seeing him, and making him smile. He never smiles, yet when he's with me or talking to me I don't think he knows how to stop smiling. I feel as though this song or at least this verse describes me, well us, perfectly right now.
I asked him how work was and he told me it was pretty good, but then he realized that it just meant he was one day closer to court. He gave me a line the other day "take it one day at a time" it's working great for this us thing, I think he should apply it to that too. It's a giant storm cloud hanging over his head and he can't seem to escape. He's so worried what's going to happen he's hating every day. I know I've made his life a bit enjoyable this last week, and I want him to think about that instead for now. Don't get me wrong I'm afraid to death he's going to end up in jail too. He asked me last night if I'd be here for him if he ended up in jail, and I told him I would but I don't know to what extent. I will be here for him, but I don't know if I will be dating him if he's in jail, not because any reason other than it scares the shit out of me. I'm afraid.
I wanna take a back road home I wanna take the long way home, so I can enjoy your company just a little bit longer, maybe we can find someplace to park so we can sit and talk with no interruptions and stare up at the stars in the sky.

I don't know how we got here baby, we are moving way too fast, yet don't make it stop baby. I'm enjoying this way too much. Life is funny life's a mess, everything seems so crazy and yet it is so perfect.

If I were in a horrible accident and both of my arms were cut off, would you pick my nose?

Room to talk.

So, it just now occurred to me that the people who are giving me the most crap about choices I have made in my life have no room to talk.

Mega rant of the day...

Odds are this might tick you off.
If you are complaining about your boyfriend/fiancée/husband 24/7, leave.
If you are complaining about your kids 24/7, stop having kids.
If you cannot figure out how to stop having kids, stop having sex, you are not mature enough to raise them.

What is love to me?

We can all go about defining love, we will never agree.

I love that he tells me I am beautiful, all the time, no make up, wearing old clothes, covered in dirt after working, and feeling like crap he always reminds me I am beautiful.
He reminds me I am the 'most beautiful thing that has ever happened to him.' It reminds me how much I mean to him, and how he doesn't want to lose me.
The moment I enter the room, there is a smile plastered on his face and his eyes are only on me. That smile never stops when we are around one another.
He doesn't get annoyed when I am upset or annoyed over something stupid. He tells me I am cute when I am mad (which annoys me more...).
He listens to me complain about things, even if he doesn't agree. He usually takes my criticisms to heart too.
We are always honest, even if we don't want to be, or we try to delay telling one another, there are no secrets.

Poems, constructed this week, for class and a reject.

Five Senses

Summer

Smells like fresh cut grass.

Feels like a raspy bale of hay.

Looks like an inviting pool.

Sounds like fireworks.

Tastes like ice cream.

If I were…

If I were a frog,

I would spend all day in the water.

I would fall asleep on a lily pad.

I would play leapfrog with a friend.

When I tired, I would lay in the sun.

___ is…

Happiness is accepting the past.

Happiness is looking forward to tomorrow.

Happiness is smiling when you want to cry.

Happiness is seeing the good side in people.

Happiness is what allows you to get through the bad.

Haiku

The wind softly blows,

Through the leaves on the tree tops,

As the birds scatter.

Limerick

No one is really sure who,

But, the monster popped out and said “Boo!”

He came out of nowhere!

It was quite a scare!

Then the monster screamed “I want to play with you!”

Color

Red is radiant.

Orange is original.

Yellow is yesterday.

Green is great!

Blue is beautiful.

Indigo is interesting.

Violet is valuable.

Cinquain

Candy

Sweet and sour,

As I eat it I smile.

It tastes so good as I swallow,

Gummies.

I used to…/ But then…

I used to see the glass half empty,

but now I see it half full.

I used to get mad at everything,

but now, I let it go.

I used to want perfection,

but now I am happy with good enough.

Diamante

Outside

fun, bright

changing, exciting, playing

sun, bikes, crayons, rules

boring, constricting, reading,

same, lazy

Inside

 

Love is not knowing the future,

but staying anyways.

Love is supporting each other,

but disagreeing sometimes.

Love is not perfect, nor easy;

but it is through thick and thin. 

 (this one got left out of my ones for class.)

Advice

You never will know until you try.
You will never succeed if you never try.
You will never learn to walk without first learning to fall.

I don't have to like the things you do, to support you. I don't have to agree with everything you say to listen. I don't have to believe in your dreams to help you accomplish them. I just have to love you and help you realize how amazing you truly are.

Time is the truest test of love.

We can overcome anything life throws at us, after all we have made it this far!

Facebook.

Complaints

Photos

• No, you are not in that picture, I don't care that it says family and you think you should be tagged, for starts I do not see you, for seconds you are only blood related, you don't matter. 
• I do not want to look down your shirt.
• Is there a reason your boobs are the focal point of every picture you post? 
• Zip and pull up your pants. Really. 

Love

• We all love our boyfriends or girlfriends or we wouldn't be dating them. If you post it in every post it is over kill, just say it sometimes.
• You do not have the "best boyfriend in the world" no, he may be the best for you, he would be terrible for someone else. 
• There should be a rule that you cannot change your status more than once a week, if you are together less than a week why did you bother to start?
• If you change your status on facebook it is probably going to tick off your significant other. 
• If you don't want the world to know, do not post it.

Jobs

• You do not work for playboy.
• You are not a stripper.
• You are not a prostitute. 
• If you were you wouldn't be posting it on facebook. 
• You should not have to be told if you currently work at Walmart not to post images saying "lets burn down Walmart."

I am sure I will think of more. I might update this later.

• 
  

Control

This subjects been brought up a lot recently, how do you find yourself in an abusive relationship? Why is it so easy to stay, and why is it so easy to go back? It is easy to say you will never find yourself in that type of relationship; the truth of the matter is most of us will find ourselves in that situation at some point or another. Control seems to be ignored in relationships, or you always hear how 'there is no control in my relationship,' there is; you just may not choose to act upon it. In every relationship at some point or another someone is dominant over the other, someone holds the ability to move on, you both do, but one person is more likely to for whatever reasons. Think about it, who 'wears the pants' in your relationship?

The fact of the matter is it is really easy to end up in the whirlpool where you are being controlled through whatever means possible. I think we all understand the physical abuse issue. Few people take the time to understand the emotional abuse situations. It doesn't start out that way.

You are dating for a little while, he (or she) makes it very obvious they don't like one of your friends and is constantly complaining about them. Because you are sick of hearing it and you want them to be happy stop talking to this friend. After a while this happens with more and more friends of yours. Eventually you start to realize most of the people you depended on no longer are the people you talk to. The ones you still talk to are mutual friends or friends of yours that you introduced him to and also talk to him when you aren't around. You realize you really have no one you talk to but him and these mutual friends. When he starts complaining to you because one of those people who he doesn't like texted you, and starts yelling at you about how you broke his trust and how he doesn't know if you are worth his time, you break down in tears and yet you have no one you can talk to without getting in trouble. You spend every minute with him or alone. You talk to only those he approves of, some of which he later "checks in with" to make sure you didn't mention anyone you weren't suppose to. But you haven't talked to any of your friends in six months, what happens if you break up? Where will you go? Who will actually talk to you when you leave? Will those mutual friends speak to you again? Who do you call crying when he tells you that your not worth his time? Those friends you have blown off?

It is a lot easier than you would think to end up in that situation. I do not care how "strong" you are, if it happens it is really hard to break that cycle, as soon as you realize it is happening it is already too late. Well I have to tell you, your true friends will still be there for you when you come out. You will lose friends over it, you will find out who really is important and odds are those were the first few people you stopped talking to.


Do me a favor, when you realize this is happening to a friend. Do not push, no matter what you say it isn't going to help you have to let it happen and hope they come out of the relationship sooner instead of later. But BE THERE for them when they do. It is really hard to realize you really have no one because of that relationship. Rely on those friends who will take the time to listen to you (even if they are upset with you), the fact of the matter is it isn't just wimpy people who end up in these situations, they are just really hard to get out of even with a strong will.

Those in which we try to help

I have always been the type to try to help people. Sometimes I feel like I search for those who are lost causes. On more than one occasion I have been informed I try to fix people. An individual even told me once that I only date guys who need fixed and once they are fixed, I give up and move on, because I enjoy the challenge. I am not sure this is the case. I believe in some ways or forms we all need fixed, whether we have trust issues, or things in our lives that are uncontrollable.
At some point we all find someone who we wish to help, sometimes we learn that the 'problems' are more contrived in their minds than something we can really help them with. Other times; we realize these problems are unsurmountable.
One person, one support, and one smile really can make a world of difference in someone's life. It is an amazing feeling to know that you have someone who will love and support you through the thick and the thin. It sounds like a trite saying that one person can make a difference. At some point we all need someone to help us through the ugly, support us through the bad and to celebrate the good. You may never know how much of a difference you made in someone's life; but maybe you will. Help anyone you can, and be the friend you want to have.
Other times, the help you are trying to give, is a serious waste of your time. You cannot help those who do not wish to help themselves. You cannot change the past, you can not un-write today; life doesn't have an eraser. Sometimes we think we are doing someone a favor by helping them out, but they don't want to be helped. We are not doing anything at this point. In order to get out of a bad situation in life, or even a bad state of mind, you have to want to do it for yourself, you can have the whole cheer leading squad screaming at the top of their lungs to root you on, it doesn't do you any good if you don't want to change. Saying you want to, isn't enough either you have to really want it, and sometimes you have to get hurt, or things have to get harder before they get easier; that is life.

How did we get here..?

I asked my parents if I could go out, I did not say where I said I was going to see someone, and I did not know who. I knew who, and somehow I felt you were the only one who wouldn't yell at me or judge me for what I was about to tell you, I had been talking to you a little bit lately, and I knew I could trust you, because I figured you had enough demons in your past you had no right to judge me, and if you did, I had stuff on you as well.
Over six months later I look back at this and laugh. This was the first night in the last four years we actually hung out without being mean to one another just to prove a point.
I never called you, I never said I was coming over, I knew you would get home sometime after eight, we had been talking at about 8:30 or nine o'clock for the last few weeks. So, when I left my house that night I headed to your house, except I hadn't ever driven there and I had only been there once in the entire time I had known you. I ended up trying to figure out what road you lived on, and I called your house after a few frustrated attempts. Your mom gave me directions, and eventually asked who was calling, I told her and she acted like I was her long lost friend.

Needless to say the last time I was at your house was just before my 16th birthday, I received my first kiss in your bedroom while my dad was talking to your dad and we escaped for you to show me something you had in your room, I really at the time did not care. We kissed, it was perfect, yet so so awkward. We were there because my dad was buying a gun off of you, and you and I had been together for some time. You pushed a bit further than I was comfortable with, and eventually like every time we dated in our high school years we did not last all that long, however I think that was the longest we ever did last, and you waited a while for that night. (P.S. You are a much better kisser now than you were then.)
When I knocked on your door, I was nervous I have no idea why exactly. Your mom told me to come in and she gave me a hug and started talking like I was just there last week. Needless to say, I did not totally remember your mom, an d I ad no idea what I wanted from you. I just needed to talk, to anyone, and I knew you would listen. We talked until you got home, your reaction when you came through the door was the same reaction I have gotten every single time you have seen me since, somehow your face lights up. Initially you were complaining whose truck was in the driveway, but you got over that quick. You gave me a huge hug, I really did not want one. I asked you to keep your hands to yourself.

I don't know why I felt I could trust you, other than I was pretty sure you would keep any secrets I disclosed. Little did I know when I showed up that night, you needed me as much as I needed you.
You went and took a shower, and I waited for you, when you came out, you asked where we were going. I had not at all thought that far ahead. I wanted to be alone with you so we could talk without anyone overhearing us, and yet I did not trust you, nor myself, to be alone. You asked about going to the casino, and that is where we went. We talked a bit, we played some slots, and eventually we left, it was rather early yet, and I asked you if we could go sit and talk. On the way, I reached over and touched your leg when you were saying something, mostly because I felt like you needed some reassurance that you were safe with me, you jumped half way through the ceiling of the truck. We found a place to park, with total silence from everyone around us.We did just that- we talked.

I was not expecting that to turn into anything more. However; you kept trying to comfort me, and when you started talking and opening up, I started doing the same.
Somehow I ended up sitting in your lap with your arms wrapped around me staring up at the stars and talking about everything that came to mind. Eventually we got cold and got back in the truck and left. I took you home, and after that I stayed for a bit, still just talking about life. That is all we did was talk, about anything and everything nothing was off limits, even if it was negative, or it was going to scare the other one away, it was out on the table and we promised not to judge one another that night. After that I made every attempt possible to come over, and I did so, every other night, sometimes every night. We ended up getting closer and closer.

Makes me wanna take the back road home...

(and yes my friends, that is a turtle.)

Things people say we have

Luck
I hear all the time how "lucky" I am. I don't think I am lucky at all. I have often heard how lucky he and I are. We are not lucky. If we were we wouldn't be in the situations we are in now. We carry on. We get through each day because we are determined to and because we get the faith we need from one another.
Perfection
Perfection is a myth. There is a point where you take the good and the bad and you stop worrying about who is going to stand behind you in the tough spots. Things get hard. Things are far from perfect. As good as it can be is perfection. When you have nothing in your control you want to change, that is perfection.
Strength
Everyone feels the need to say how strong we are. We aren't any stronger than anyone else. We feed off one another and some days it is totally one sided. Some days I need the reassurance and some days he needs it from me. On a rare occasion we both need it.
Communication
This is where we have it made. We talk. We talk about everything. We don't hold much back. This is the key to our relationship. It has not always been easy. For a few months we struggled to talk for like two minutes a day and wrote our hearts out in letters. However; we made it! We will continue to make it through whatever life throws in our faces. I am often told by friends how they don't know how I do it. Well, there is my secret communication, communication communication. Talk. Talk about everything. Be open to new ideas. Listen when you don't want to hear about it. Don't be judgmental. Don't say a word when they are ranting their heart out, shut up and listen. Be reassuring. Give support when needed. Hold your opinions back when you need to. If your others in tears, smile and help them through it, your opinion can come in later.

What would you be willing to endure?

What would you be willing to put yourself through to see if you can find love?
It is not guaranteed, it never is.
How long would you wait for someone?
A week? Could you go a whole week without talking without doubting them? A month? Could you go a month without hating them for whatever the situation is? Could you go a week without seeing one another? A month?
Apparently I give a lot more than most people are willing to in relationships. I have waited two or three months for someone, and tried really hard to keep their spirits up and help them through something that was not easy to get hurt in the long run. I have also waited two months for someones past to become the past, and still struggled through it even though it was not my mistake.
It has became apparent to me that most people would not do the same in the same situation, even if I have previously written that I would hope most would do the same when faced with the same situation. I have become aware of situations where people I have the utmost respect for, did not do the same thing in a similar situation. Would you wait for someone who is facing medical problems? For how long? Would you be there for them through 'thick and thin'  or would you be a bit of a coward and run? Would you wait for someone in the military? Who is trying to better their own life and create a future for themselves? College? Jail or prison? For how long would you wait?
I wish people would take a minute instead of complaining about how they cannot find happiness in their lives to realize you get what you put into a relationship. If you give your all, you may get it back, if you give nothing, even if you get all in return, you still won't be happy. Take chances, give it your 110% and never ever give up, when things get hard, smile your way through and remember if you make it, it will be worth it. If you don't you pick up the pieces and move on; you can't complain how you cant find love if you aren't giving it, or taking chances.

I have a secret

If you are insanely jealous of someone, maybe you do need to worry. By being in a relationship you should be able to trust the person you are with; or you should not be with them to begin with. If you feel that they could do a lot better than you, well maybe they could. Maybe if they wanted to be with someone different they would be. Seriously if you have that many jealousy problems, deal with it, talk it out, get some help, something; or it will tear you apart. Relationships are founded on trust and you need to trust the person your with and if you can't then you don't need to be together.
We all would like to believe we would never let someone control who we talk to, yet we have all done it, or will do it, we may do it without realizing it, but the results are still the same, we eventually isolate ourselves from those who are our support system until we feel we truly have no support system, then if that relationship falls apart we are left begging our once friends to think about talking to us again, when in reality we probably do not deserve these friendships. Should these friends allow us to pick up where we left off? Should they be mad at us? What happens when they do the same thing to you in return? How will you react? How will that make you feel? It will more than likely happen.

Some things are worth the battle; and some are not

Previously I have ranted about things worth fighting for, well some things are not worth the battle. I don't need to agree with everything someone says to support them and be a friend of them. I do not need to like the choices you make to support you. However; if it is not worth fighting over then let it go! Some things I may not like, but it is not worth fighting over. It isn't worth the arguing, nor is it worth the aggravation of getting mad at one another.
Some days people seem to pick fights over stupid things. If you have bigger things to worry about, then worry about them, not the stupid things. It is not worth the stress, the aggravation, nor the headache of arguing.

What it is worth...

Sometimes we all wonder the consequences our actions will have, but the truth of the matter is most of the time we do not stop to think about this. What will happen if we do or say a certain thing, what will happen if we don't?
What we say and what we do have a huge impact on everything and everyone around us. Our past can come back to bite us in the ass and our good deeds can bail us out of tough spots.
Sometimes it is all a matter of weighing the cards, or forgetting to. What is your freedom worth to you? Do you have to worry about it? You bet you do, the wrong words can lead you in jail or dead, the wrong comment can lead you to a spot where you wish you were dead, and the wrong restrictions can make life seem almost not worth living.

You inspire me

It seems really strange.
How can you inspire me?
We have our own battles.
You have went through a lot.
You have kept your faith.
You and I have kept our faith in one another.
We have came so far.
We have our battles with one another.
We have obstacles.
We talk through everything.
We work through everything.
Somehow no matter how bad things get.
We come out smiling and holding hands.
We are not perfect people.
We are perfect together.
We have the perfect relationship.
I could not ask for more.
I could not ask for more.
We make it through whatever life throws at us.
Sometimes it seems like more trouble then it's worth.
I could not ask for a more open relationship.
I could not ask for a more accepting and understanding guy.
I trust you with my life, my well being, and most importantly my heart.
I absolutely love you with all I have.
I would not trade what we have for the world.
I am totally me when I'm with you.
Yet you give me butterflies every time.
You always are there to cheer me up when I need it.
You are always able to calm me down and make me relax.
You always make me smile.
I love making you smile when I enter the room.
I love being the girl you don't want to live without.

Plans of our own

I feel like everyone around us has already started their lives. Everyone around me seems to have a ring on their finger, or a baby on their hip. None of them seem to have both, which says something about society. I really really would like to be married before I have a child. I don't know if I am quite ready for that, but I don't want to push it off for too long so that I can enjoy and watch the child grow up and be able to meet my grandchildren if they decide to have their own.

I am the first in my family to go to college, I will be the first to have a stable career instead of a million horrible jobs making minimum wage. I will make something of myself. I will not become rich, nor famous, I don't want to be, in the future though if I do have children I want them to feel free to do whatever they would like to in life.
I grew up in a household with very little extra money, we always ate, but not much was ever guaranteed. Once a month the phone would get shut off because the bill didn't get paid, or we couldn't go on the trips at school because we couldn't afford it.I skipped out on going on my senior trip in high school because we didn't have the money, I refused to ask at some point to join sports or activities at school because we couldn't afford the fees that were required to do so. When I did end up joining band-front, I missed practice on a regular basis because I did not have a ride home because my parents were working, or because we just did not have a stable vehicle.  When it came time to apply to colleges, I only applied to those who gave me fee waivers or the schools had free applications. I never visited the school I ended up going to until after I had been accepted and decided that was where I was going. In high-school I was often babysitting for my sister or other family friends. My parents hesitated doing so, but borrowed money off us kids to pay the bills. I do not hate my parents, they did the best they could do. I am glad to be the person I am today. I do not know if I would be the person I am without the struggles and hurdles. However; I do not want my kids to have to face similar battles.

We discussed in class one day how if you come from a poor background your going to remain in one. Well it is true and miracles do happen, but the truth really is that it is hard to move from class to class. If you are raised in a low income environment you struggle all the time to improve yourself. If it were not for my very very determined parents who work their asses off to make sure my tuition gets paid, and really did push the idea as kids that we could be who ever we wanted to be, I would not be where I am today. In reality, I never stood a chance of being a doctor for starts it isn't something I was ever passionate about, but I was never provided the opportunities in school or at home to excel in the subjects required for that. If that was my goal, I would still need to struggle through 8 years of education, which I would not be able to get loans for because I do not qualify for them now. My parents would not be able to afford paying for it out of pocket either. Maybe as a result of social class and situations I never really thought about wanting to do that, I just wanted to be what I knew, I have no idea, but I have always wanted to teach. I am passionate about it.

"You can be whoever you want to be" is a lie, but with love and support and a heck of a lot of determination, you can become something better.

I do not hate my parents, I love them, they have pushed me my whole life. And as a result I am almost where I want to be. They have done the best they knew how, and they did a pretty good job apparently, because I turned out just fine.