Control

This subjects been brought up a lot recently, how do you find yourself in an abusive relationship? Why is it so easy to stay, and why is it so easy to go back? It is easy to say you will never find yourself in that type of relationship; the truth of the matter is most of us will find ourselves in that situation at some point or another. Control seems to be ignored in relationships, or you always hear how 'there is no control in my relationship,' there is; you just may not choose to act upon it. In every relationship at some point or another someone is dominant over the other, someone holds the ability to move on, you both do, but one person is more likely to for whatever reasons. Think about it, who 'wears the pants' in your relationship?

The fact of the matter is it is really easy to end up in the whirlpool where you are being controlled through whatever means possible. I think we all understand the physical abuse issue. Few people take the time to understand the emotional abuse situations. It doesn't start out that way.

You are dating for a little while, he (or she) makes it very obvious they don't like one of your friends and is constantly complaining about them. Because you are sick of hearing it and you want them to be happy stop talking to this friend. After a while this happens with more and more friends of yours. Eventually you start to realize most of the people you depended on no longer are the people you talk to. The ones you still talk to are mutual friends or friends of yours that you introduced him to and also talk to him when you aren't around. You realize you really have no one you talk to but him and these mutual friends. When he starts complaining to you because one of those people who he doesn't like texted you, and starts yelling at you about how you broke his trust and how he doesn't know if you are worth his time, you break down in tears and yet you have no one you can talk to without getting in trouble. You spend every minute with him or alone. You talk to only those he approves of, some of which he later "checks in with" to make sure you didn't mention anyone you weren't suppose to. But you haven't talked to any of your friends in six months, what happens if you break up? Where will you go? Who will actually talk to you when you leave? Will those mutual friends speak to you again? Who do you call crying when he tells you that your not worth his time? Those friends you have blown off?

It is a lot easier than you would think to end up in that situation. I do not care how "strong" you are, if it happens it is really hard to break that cycle, as soon as you realize it is happening it is already too late. Well I have to tell you, your true friends will still be there for you when you come out. You will lose friends over it, you will find out who really is important and odds are those were the first few people you stopped talking to.


Do me a favor, when you realize this is happening to a friend. Do not push, no matter what you say it isn't going to help you have to let it happen and hope they come out of the relationship sooner instead of later. But BE THERE for them when they do. It is really hard to realize you really have no one because of that relationship. Rely on those friends who will take the time to listen to you (even if they are upset with you), the fact of the matter is it isn't just wimpy people who end up in these situations, they are just really hard to get out of even with a strong will.