There are days I want to run the world, I want to be in control of everything and I am pretty confident in myself.; life seems easy, life seems like it is going to slow. I feel in control some days. Some days I wake up knowing I will accomplish something today, other days things just fall into place and I feel on top of the world.
There are other days when getting out of bed is a chore all in itself, I don't want to move I don't want to do anything. When I look at my schedule I freak out and end up getting nothing done when I have a ton to do. I feel overwhelmed by everything around me and even simple tasks haunt me. I feel like I can do nothing right, and finish nothing.
Every moment that I spend with you; nothing seems to matter. Life isn't perfect, we aren't perfect, and yet I know we don't need to be. I don't need to accomplish everything, I sure do not need to do it in a small window of time. We have our problems, but I know they won't hurt us. We won't let them. I don't even want to rule the world, I don't want to rule anything because when I am with you, and you are holding me close, I feel like nothing can hurt me, nothing bad can happen and no matter what I am safe and loved in your arms.
Kenny Chesney's The Woman With You seems to fit here.
Wednesday, September 21, 2011
Friday, September 16, 2011
Life, Love, Babies and Marriage?
I feel as though I am at the point in my life everything is about babies and marriage. Most of my friends are either engaged, pregnant or hoping for just that. I am still in the mindset I want to get through school and make my own life. I love kids, I plan on working with kids the rest of my life; however I don't want any of my own any time soon.
I feel as though a relationship isn't even considered serious unless you have a ring on your finger or are living together. I don't think that should be the case what-so-ever. I want happiness a heck of a lot more than I want to be married. I don't even want to get engaged until I graduate from college let's be honest here. Yeah, we are to the points in our lives that everyone is looking to get married and settle down, but why settle down when you haven't gotten to where you are going yet? I plan on settling down. I really do, after I have a certificate and a degree and a good job; and most importantly when I am positive I have found the person I want to spend the rest of my life with.
I also feel that kids are on everyones list of things that are required, seriously at this point none of us need kids of our own too many parents of my peers are still having kids, seriously don't bother having your own your parents are going to leave you theirs. The world is over populated now, and seriously we don't all need kids to be happy, and they don't need to be our kids if we decide we do want kids.
I want happiness, I want to get married, I want security and some day I may want kids. However, now is not the time for any of it.
I feel as though a relationship isn't even considered serious unless you have a ring on your finger or are living together. I don't think that should be the case what-so-ever. I want happiness a heck of a lot more than I want to be married. I don't even want to get engaged until I graduate from college let's be honest here. Yeah, we are to the points in our lives that everyone is looking to get married and settle down, but why settle down when you haven't gotten to where you are going yet? I plan on settling down. I really do, after I have a certificate and a degree and a good job; and most importantly when I am positive I have found the person I want to spend the rest of my life with.
I also feel that kids are on everyones list of things that are required, seriously at this point none of us need kids of our own too many parents of my peers are still having kids, seriously don't bother having your own your parents are going to leave you theirs. The world is over populated now, and seriously we don't all need kids to be happy, and they don't need to be our kids if we decide we do want kids.
I want happiness, I want to get married, I want security and some day I may want kids. However, now is not the time for any of it.
Tuesday, September 13, 2011
"What lies behind us, and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us." - Ralph Waldo Emerson
"What lies behind us, and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us." - Ralph Waldo Emerson
I don't know if I could have found a better quote to describe my life, and my thoughts today.
The funny part was it was on accident I came across this quote at all.
I wanted to create a new collage.
I opened SmileBox and clicked the second collage for "love," there is only three and I have already made one of them. Well it just so happened that this was the quote printed in the center of the collage.
Life is crazy, life is a mess, and love isn't perfect. Seriously as long as you are both happy, all the problems in the world shouldn't keep you apart, life goes on and you can let things come in between you, or you can try to not let them. You can't stop everything, but if you both try it is a lot more enjoyable.
Friday, September 9, 2011
I found what I wasn't looking for.
More often or not when people ask me what I do on the weekends, or who I hang out with usually I reply by telling them that I am anti-social. Truly I do not even believe this to be the case. I am not socially awkward, but I don't care to try to make new friends.
I know who my friends are, if I need something I can go to them or if I need a friend they are there for me. I don't mean it in the "I can call him at three in the morning," sense too, although thats important, I truly feel my truest friends are the ones I can go to when I need a place to crash, when I need to borrow money, when I need something to do, and when I need to get something off my chest. I also know for a fact that if they are able to give me what I am asking from them, they will.
Friendship isn't one sided, I will do almost anything for my friends as well. I don't feel the need to make new friends, or try to at least. Friends seem to come into your life from no place. If you try to make a friend, it is usually forced and the friendship doesn't seem to be worth holding on to anyhow. The same goes for relationships.
People are not perfect. We are all human, we all make mistakes and we all do really stupid stuff. More importantly we all do things we wish we could change. In the long run, we hope they don't destroy everything in our lives that make us happy. Today many people go through life looking at people and things based only on what they have heard from other people.
We have all had rumors spread about us, and more than likely we are all guilty of spreading a few ourselves even if we aren't proud of doing so. In the long run we need to make our own decisions on people. We need to form our own opinions based on who the person is, and how they treat us, and maybe those who are close to us. We cannot all go through life listening to only the rumors and never get to know anyone, we would all be hermits because no one is loved by everyone. We all make mistakes, why don't we all give one another that benefit of the doubt and treat them how they treat us.
I have been really thinking about all of this for quite some time, it is easier said than meant and in a few situations I refused to say it until I absolutely meant it. I will be there for my friends no matter what happens. I will not judge people based on stories I hear from other people, and I will do my best to understand both sides of things. I will not judge people on solely the labels that have been placed upon them.
I will do my best to keep these words, I really truly do believe in each and every bit of it. Even if some days it is easier to take the easy way out. I know people can use me and my loyalisms, I realize people can take advantage of my forgiveness; but at the end of the day, I truly believe everyone should adopt their own beliefs that are somewhat similar. This makes me a better person. It also makes me content and happy with myself. Other people may think I am crazy, why should I be giving so many people the opportunity to prove themselves, but the better question is why wont they?
I know who my friends are, if I need something I can go to them or if I need a friend they are there for me. I don't mean it in the "I can call him at three in the morning," sense too, although thats important, I truly feel my truest friends are the ones I can go to when I need a place to crash, when I need to borrow money, when I need something to do, and when I need to get something off my chest. I also know for a fact that if they are able to give me what I am asking from them, they will.
Friendship isn't one sided, I will do almost anything for my friends as well. I don't feel the need to make new friends, or try to at least. Friends seem to come into your life from no place. If you try to make a friend, it is usually forced and the friendship doesn't seem to be worth holding on to anyhow. The same goes for relationships.
People are not perfect. We are all human, we all make mistakes and we all do really stupid stuff. More importantly we all do things we wish we could change. In the long run, we hope they don't destroy everything in our lives that make us happy. Today many people go through life looking at people and things based only on what they have heard from other people.
We have all had rumors spread about us, and more than likely we are all guilty of spreading a few ourselves even if we aren't proud of doing so. In the long run we need to make our own decisions on people. We need to form our own opinions based on who the person is, and how they treat us, and maybe those who are close to us. We cannot all go through life listening to only the rumors and never get to know anyone, we would all be hermits because no one is loved by everyone. We all make mistakes, why don't we all give one another that benefit of the doubt and treat them how they treat us.
I have been really thinking about all of this for quite some time, it is easier said than meant and in a few situations I refused to say it until I absolutely meant it. I will be there for my friends no matter what happens. I will not judge people based on stories I hear from other people, and I will do my best to understand both sides of things. I will not judge people on solely the labels that have been placed upon them.
I will do my best to keep these words, I really truly do believe in each and every bit of it. Even if some days it is easier to take the easy way out. I know people can use me and my loyalisms, I realize people can take advantage of my forgiveness; but at the end of the day, I truly believe everyone should adopt their own beliefs that are somewhat similar. This makes me a better person. It also makes me content and happy with myself. Other people may think I am crazy, why should I be giving so many people the opportunity to prove themselves, but the better question is why wont they?
Home sweet flooding
In a way I would love to be home right now, instead I am at school. While it's much safer here and a lot more dry, I feel torn between the two. I have checked on I believe everyone and everyone is so far so good. Flooding has taken quite a toll on most of the people I am so close to. We live in a pretty rural area and most of the time you know quite a few people. There are kids at my high school who have been there since Wednesday morning when school started.
Saturday, September 3, 2011
Heres to life
I apologize for being gone like forever, I just started school again, I have been spending time with someone new, who also happens to be old, and in general I just have a lot on my plate.
I feel the need to write this, however I kind of don't know how much of it I want to share.
I have been pretty stressed out for a whole array of reasons. Yesterday I tried explaining this to a friend who is unaware of the one situation, most of my friends are. So, I explained that one of my issues right now was a relationship issue. I don't know if she was trying to be nice, or just felt it was what needed to be said but she told me it would just blow over. Well, it won't. I really wish it would, but it isn't going to.
I love talking through my fears, yet it takes so much trust to do, theres very few people who see that side of me. I also love writing, it calms me down. I have done a lot of the talking part, total openness and honesty is such a feeling, I don't know if there is any other thing like it. Sure; it is really hard to be totally open, but it can happen if you are feeling comfortable enough at the moment. Somehow I enjoy these open and honest conversations so much better in the dark, alone and cuddling so much more than over the phone, but I will take what I can get. I really hope I don't lose the ability to have these conversations, they keep me going. In a way; I have no idea what to expect, in another I have decided to prepare myself for the worst, then at least I am not disappointed too much more.
Unfortunately, I believe he is preparing for the best, and as much as I really hope for the best, I am in a way expecting the worst or at least somewhere in the middle. I know that sounds really terrible, but I am not an optimist, I am quite a realist, even if that makes me a pessimistic at times. It stresses me out, it drives me insane and it makes me want to run.
I find it amusing he is so worried I am going to leave him, over this. There may become a point I can't deal with it for personal or professional reasons, but for now that isn't the case. If I wanted to run I would have done so already. This totally honest relationship we have is wonderful; but it is pretty intimidating. If I accepted getting into this, despite the problems, and with all strings attached you can bet I am going to do my best to make sure that these strings don't split us up. If a time arises where I feel I need to make that decision, I will do so, but I will indeed talk about it with him.
I would love to say your past makes no difference and in so many ways it doesn't but it does. At the same time, it isn't something that needs to destroy your life. I am glad I can make you happy, and as much as this scares the crap out of me; when I am with you it doesn't matter. There was a time you and I would never talk, not like this. I am so thankful for your friendship, and for your willingness to listen. I hope I do the same for you. As I said before, I hope you understand, if I absolutely need to make that decision I will, but I don't see a point in worrying about that right now. We will see how it goes, and take it one day at a time. For now; remember I am here for you no matter what.
I feel the need to write this, however I kind of don't know how much of it I want to share.
I have been pretty stressed out for a whole array of reasons. Yesterday I tried explaining this to a friend who is unaware of the one situation, most of my friends are. So, I explained that one of my issues right now was a relationship issue. I don't know if she was trying to be nice, or just felt it was what needed to be said but she told me it would just blow over. Well, it won't. I really wish it would, but it isn't going to.
I love talking through my fears, yet it takes so much trust to do, theres very few people who see that side of me. I also love writing, it calms me down. I have done a lot of the talking part, total openness and honesty is such a feeling, I don't know if there is any other thing like it. Sure; it is really hard to be totally open, but it can happen if you are feeling comfortable enough at the moment. Somehow I enjoy these open and honest conversations so much better in the dark, alone and cuddling so much more than over the phone, but I will take what I can get. I really hope I don't lose the ability to have these conversations, they keep me going. In a way; I have no idea what to expect, in another I have decided to prepare myself for the worst, then at least I am not disappointed too much more.
Unfortunately, I believe he is preparing for the best, and as much as I really hope for the best, I am in a way expecting the worst or at least somewhere in the middle. I know that sounds really terrible, but I am not an optimist, I am quite a realist, even if that makes me a pessimistic at times. It stresses me out, it drives me insane and it makes me want to run.
I find it amusing he is so worried I am going to leave him, over this. There may become a point I can't deal with it for personal or professional reasons, but for now that isn't the case. If I wanted to run I would have done so already. This totally honest relationship we have is wonderful; but it is pretty intimidating. If I accepted getting into this, despite the problems, and with all strings attached you can bet I am going to do my best to make sure that these strings don't split us up. If a time arises where I feel I need to make that decision, I will do so, but I will indeed talk about it with him.
I would love to say your past makes no difference and in so many ways it doesn't but it does. At the same time, it isn't something that needs to destroy your life. I am glad I can make you happy, and as much as this scares the crap out of me; when I am with you it doesn't matter. There was a time you and I would never talk, not like this. I am so thankful for your friendship, and for your willingness to listen. I hope I do the same for you. As I said before, I hope you understand, if I absolutely need to make that decision I will, but I don't see a point in worrying about that right now. We will see how it goes, and take it one day at a time. For now; remember I am here for you no matter what.
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