What would you be willing to endure?

What would you be willing to put yourself through to see if you can find love?
It is not guaranteed, it never is.
How long would you wait for someone?
A week? Could you go a whole week without talking without doubting them? A month? Could you go a month without hating them for whatever the situation is? Could you go a week without seeing one another? A month?
Apparently I give a lot more than most people are willing to in relationships. I have waited two or three months for someone, and tried really hard to keep their spirits up and help them through something that was not easy to get hurt in the long run. I have also waited two months for someones past to become the past, and still struggled through it even though it was not my mistake.
It has became apparent to me that most people would not do the same in the same situation, even if I have previously written that I would hope most would do the same when faced with the same situation. I have become aware of situations where people I have the utmost respect for, did not do the same thing in a similar situation. Would you wait for someone who is facing medical problems? For how long? Would you be there for them through 'thick and thin'  or would you be a bit of a coward and run? Would you wait for someone in the military? Who is trying to better their own life and create a future for themselves? College? Jail or prison? For how long would you wait?
I wish people would take a minute instead of complaining about how they cannot find happiness in their lives to realize you get what you put into a relationship. If you give your all, you may get it back, if you give nothing, even if you get all in return, you still won't be happy. Take chances, give it your 110% and never ever give up, when things get hard, smile your way through and remember if you make it, it will be worth it. If you don't you pick up the pieces and move on; you can't complain how you cant find love if you aren't giving it, or taking chances.

I have a secret

If you are insanely jealous of someone, maybe you do need to worry. By being in a relationship you should be able to trust the person you are with; or you should not be with them to begin with. If you feel that they could do a lot better than you, well maybe they could. Maybe if they wanted to be with someone different they would be. Seriously if you have that many jealousy problems, deal with it, talk it out, get some help, something; or it will tear you apart. Relationships are founded on trust and you need to trust the person your with and if you can't then you don't need to be together.
We all would like to believe we would never let someone control who we talk to, yet we have all done it, or will do it, we may do it without realizing it, but the results are still the same, we eventually isolate ourselves from those who are our support system until we feel we truly have no support system, then if that relationship falls apart we are left begging our once friends to think about talking to us again, when in reality we probably do not deserve these friendships. Should these friends allow us to pick up where we left off? Should they be mad at us? What happens when they do the same thing to you in return? How will you react? How will that make you feel? It will more than likely happen.

Some things are worth the battle; and some are not

Previously I have ranted about things worth fighting for, well some things are not worth the battle. I don't need to agree with everything someone says to support them and be a friend of them. I do not need to like the choices you make to support you. However; if it is not worth fighting over then let it go! Some things I may not like, but it is not worth fighting over. It isn't worth the arguing, nor is it worth the aggravation of getting mad at one another.
Some days people seem to pick fights over stupid things. If you have bigger things to worry about, then worry about them, not the stupid things. It is not worth the stress, the aggravation, nor the headache of arguing.

What it is worth...

Sometimes we all wonder the consequences our actions will have, but the truth of the matter is most of the time we do not stop to think about this. What will happen if we do or say a certain thing, what will happen if we don't?
What we say and what we do have a huge impact on everything and everyone around us. Our past can come back to bite us in the ass and our good deeds can bail us out of tough spots.
Sometimes it is all a matter of weighing the cards, or forgetting to. What is your freedom worth to you? Do you have to worry about it? You bet you do, the wrong words can lead you in jail or dead, the wrong comment can lead you to a spot where you wish you were dead, and the wrong restrictions can make life seem almost not worth living.

You inspire me

It seems really strange.
How can you inspire me?
We have our own battles.
You have went through a lot.
You have kept your faith.
You and I have kept our faith in one another.
We have came so far.
We have our battles with one another.
We have obstacles.
We talk through everything.
We work through everything.
Somehow no matter how bad things get.
We come out smiling and holding hands.
We are not perfect people.
We are perfect together.
We have the perfect relationship.
I could not ask for more.
I could not ask for more.
We make it through whatever life throws at us.
Sometimes it seems like more trouble then it's worth.
I could not ask for a more open relationship.
I could not ask for a more accepting and understanding guy.
I trust you with my life, my well being, and most importantly my heart.
I absolutely love you with all I have.
I would not trade what we have for the world.
I am totally me when I'm with you.
Yet you give me butterflies every time.
You always are there to cheer me up when I need it.
You are always able to calm me down and make me relax.
You always make me smile.
I love making you smile when I enter the room.
I love being the girl you don't want to live without.

Plans of our own

I feel like everyone around us has already started their lives. Everyone around me seems to have a ring on their finger, or a baby on their hip. None of them seem to have both, which says something about society. I really really would like to be married before I have a child. I don't know if I am quite ready for that, but I don't want to push it off for too long so that I can enjoy and watch the child grow up and be able to meet my grandchildren if they decide to have their own.

I am the first in my family to go to college, I will be the first to have a stable career instead of a million horrible jobs making minimum wage. I will make something of myself. I will not become rich, nor famous, I don't want to be, in the future though if I do have children I want them to feel free to do whatever they would like to in life.
I grew up in a household with very little extra money, we always ate, but not much was ever guaranteed. Once a month the phone would get shut off because the bill didn't get paid, or we couldn't go on the trips at school because we couldn't afford it.I skipped out on going on my senior trip in high school because we didn't have the money, I refused to ask at some point to join sports or activities at school because we couldn't afford the fees that were required to do so. When I did end up joining band-front, I missed practice on a regular basis because I did not have a ride home because my parents were working, or because we just did not have a stable vehicle.  When it came time to apply to colleges, I only applied to those who gave me fee waivers or the schools had free applications. I never visited the school I ended up going to until after I had been accepted and decided that was where I was going. In high-school I was often babysitting for my sister or other family friends. My parents hesitated doing so, but borrowed money off us kids to pay the bills. I do not hate my parents, they did the best they could do. I am glad to be the person I am today. I do not know if I would be the person I am without the struggles and hurdles. However; I do not want my kids to have to face similar battles.

We discussed in class one day how if you come from a poor background your going to remain in one. Well it is true and miracles do happen, but the truth really is that it is hard to move from class to class. If you are raised in a low income environment you struggle all the time to improve yourself. If it were not for my very very determined parents who work their asses off to make sure my tuition gets paid, and really did push the idea as kids that we could be who ever we wanted to be, I would not be where I am today. In reality, I never stood a chance of being a doctor for starts it isn't something I was ever passionate about, but I was never provided the opportunities in school or at home to excel in the subjects required for that. If that was my goal, I would still need to struggle through 8 years of education, which I would not be able to get loans for because I do not qualify for them now. My parents would not be able to afford paying for it out of pocket either. Maybe as a result of social class and situations I never really thought about wanting to do that, I just wanted to be what I knew, I have no idea, but I have always wanted to teach. I am passionate about it.

"You can be whoever you want to be" is a lie, but with love and support and a heck of a lot of determination, you can become something better.

I do not hate my parents, I love them, they have pushed me my whole life. And as a result I am almost where I want to be. They have done the best they knew how, and they did a pretty good job apparently, because I turned out just fine.

Love like crazy...

So I am currently rocking out a bit, and thinking about how amazing love can be. I am so sick of reading a million changed relationship statuses on facebook and a million more people being like "you are better off without h (-im/-er). Relationship are best when you both keep your own wants needs and desires and mesh somewhere in the middle; sometimes it doesn't work, but when it doesn't then you don't need to beat yourself up over it, it was not meant to be that way. Your happiness is the greatest need in the world.
Do not get me wrong every day isn't perfect. There are days you will want to kill the person you are with even if you yourself know it is kind of ridiculous you are that irritated. Some days you will lose some of that faith you have in your relationship you really will. When life throws a lot in your face though, you know you can make it through it. Even if it seems like some days you only believe it because you need your partner to believe it.
This week again we shall cherish like it is our last week to live, and right now, I just want to savor the moment and what we have together. I have never put so much value in a phone call, into a friendly ear to talk to for hours when I need to vent, until I lost those things. When we lost each other in a sense we learned to appreciate those small things, we learned things can always be worse. They very likely may get to that place we call worst again very soon. However; we have each other to look forward to. We know we can make it through this whole mess no matter how hard it seems some days- in the end it will be worth it. We can move on with our lives, our life together. We can make a future and eventually when this mess is over we can make plans and live our dreams... together.

And if things do get worse, a million more love letters and some more cheer will be sent to my dear love, even if I have to fake the smile to do it. We have helped each other through a lot, and this too shall pass, and the day we can say this whole mess is behind us; both of these messes, will be an amazing feeling and a wonderful day.

Love conquers all

Some days everything seems impossible.
Then we remember who we have depending on us.
Some days this is overwhelming, and scary.
Sometimes we feel alone in this world.
Or that we are carrying the weight of the world alone.
Some days it is so hard to start anything.
Once it is started it is never hard.
Other days the right words just won't come.
Sometimes the tears are easier to access than the comforting words.
Sometimes we need to laugh, so we do not cry.
Sometimes crying is the only thing we can do.

A New Year, New Beginnings

A new year, new beginnings.
While this new year comes with problems all of its own, I feel relieved to put the problems of last year behind me in my past, and look forward to the future.
This past year was full of unexpected twists and turns, ones I expected, ones I didn't and a few I don't think I would be who I am without.

I started this post a few days ago, now I look back at it and have a lot more to say.

Some things are indeed worth fighting for, they are worth the energy and frustration of fighting. Giving up is the final option, and we should never feel it is the only option when something matters to us as people. The easy way out is to lay down and take what is thrown your way, or quit all together, but it is not what is for the best. Never take the easy way out. Never let people walk all over you because you feel it is easier than fighting and faster. Fight for everything you love and care about, never give up, never give in.

You were so tempted to lay down and take whatever life threw your way, you were so tempted to take whatever was given and accept it as fact. I don't care what happens, never take credit for something you did not do that is going to ruin your life further than it already is destroyed. Fight with all you fucking have. This does not define you, I wish I could stress that enough. This too shall pass, and I don't care if it is faster to accept what is given and bite your lip, it isn't really beneficial, fight with everything you have in you, if you lose appeal the fuck out of it, never give up. I realize fighting the system is not going to be easy, but you shouldn't need to accept it as a fact when it is a lie.
I love you. We have eachother, we will fight this, together.