Time

Time means nothing,

and yet time is everything.

Time is something that is guaranteed, we do not think about it most of the time. We count down time to specific events, but when they get here time is still irrelevant. Yet time is all we have, we are limited to how long we will be alive and what we will have time to do. Many people often say something about reminding those you love them that you love them because there may not be another time. This is so true and yet we usually don't think about it. If I live to be 100, this year of my life will not be so significant, yet if I die tomorrow, everything I do today just got amplified in importance, how do you want to spend your last moments of your life? Will you know when that time is coming? Do you even want to?

Right now, I am waiting for time to pass on and wishing it would speed up because of certain obstacles in life. Another part of me feels like this is already going too fast, I am a junior in college, and yet I still feel like I'm more of a kid than an adult. I want to have time to work on projects that are due shortly, and I want to spend as much of my time as possible with people who are important to me as a person, and we never know when our day will come. 

My love

I always hear people complaining about their boyfriends, and their relationships in general. Life gives us all our own problems, we have our own pasts, and we each have our own obstacles. When we join someone in a relationship we are usually looking for someone who we hope to spend the rest of our lives with, but we often forget that when we do this we no longer have just our own obstacles and challenges; but we adopt one another's as well. It is that crazy little thing called love, and it isn't suppose to be easy.

In order to get along you have to understand one another, and you have to agree to be friends. However to be friends you have to accept one another and all of the flaws the other has. You have to accept their pasts, their bad habits, and their flaws, and you have to live with them. I don't know if there is a person that is "perfect," if there is, I sure don't know them. But I know plenty of people who are "perfect for me" who are a part of my life, I don't need to approve of all of their choices and I don't need to understand them totally, I just need to accept them.

In a relationship I believe this is essential, a person cannot be judged based on rumors, the past, or stories. Not a single one of us is perfect. Yet some how we tend to find someone who is "perfect" for us, and who makes us feel perfect, and we call this insane concept love. If you go about your daily life complaining about the person you are involved in romantically, then you might as well give up now.

I love that he makes me feel absolutely amazing, he reminds me how much he needs me, and he tells me how beautiful I am as a person. I have never felt like I could do so much to help anyone until now, he always is telling me that I am wonderful, and how great of a person I am. He tells me how much he needs me, how thankful he is for me sticking with him through the thick and the thin, which he certainly deserves, and he is always telling me I am beautiful. I am the most beautiful thing that has ever happened to him in his life he tells me. He tells me I am beautiful when I say I look terrible, he tells me I am a beautiful person, and most importantly he makes me believe I am beautiful myself even when he isn't around.
I really do hope I make him feel half as amazing as he makes me feel everyday.

Let it snow Let it snow Let it snow

Most people are complaining, why does it need to snow in October, well it usually snows before the end of October, let's wake up and realize this winter is suppose to be pretty bad. Instead of just complaining about the weather, be happy you have a warm place to stay in from it, it is pretty cold out! If we complain or not, it isn't going to stop. So, why don't we stop to find the beauty in it?

Snow reminds me of Christmas, and Christmas brings out a mood in most people you normally don't get to see. People work together, they help one another and people are cheerful. Christmas day is the most important to children sure, but I think we all love the season deep within ourselves, even if we don't admit to it, there is just something about it.

Chaos is beautiful.

Writing, and what becomes of it

It feels so strange to not be able to talk to you, I don't like it, but I will live.

It took a while for us to be friends,

It took months for you to break my heart,

It took years for us to grow apart,

A few weeks to reconnect,

It took only one night for us to fall in love. 

God has a plan for us all, some bad things need to happen to make us better people; we just need to embrace every day we are given and make the best of it.

And when I lay down at night, I wish it were you I was cuddling with, this monkey just doesn't cut it. 

Someday's it is hard to remember I am not alone in this world - then I get a simple message from you.

Our relationship came out of no where, but rest assured it also isn't going anywhere. 

Just me and you

Life is crazy, busy and wonderful. I am stressed to the max most days, and so happy others, some days I am so stressed I snap for stupid things I shouldn't worry about. Today is a huge deciding factor for the future of our relationship. I love him, and I can deal with this one day at a time. We can make it through anything because we are honest, truthful, and we make an amazing couple because of it. At the end of the night I love just being in his arms, life then seems perfect. Some days we have our arguments, and feel like strangling one another, this weekend he and I both seemed to be in crappy moods and we both seemed to snap on one another way too easily. We each have our own lives, and they don't always match up perfectly. We do not have the "perfect" relationship. However; we have one another, and at the end of the day, we try to make life more enjoyable. We aren't what people expect, we aren't hiding it, and we don't care what people think. We will get through whatever today brings for us, we will get through it together and that will make us stronger for it. Although I wanted to strangle him a few times this weekend, I truly feel we can have an argument without it destroying us, we both have our days where we end up on each others nerves so badly it's a losing battle. Hopefully soon, the phone will ring with good news.


So this is an edit : Today didn't go well, anyone feels like listening to me complain please talk to me, otherwise, don't bother.

Heres to life

I apologize for being gone like forever, I just started school again, I have been spending time with someone new, who also happens to be old, and in general I just have a lot on my plate.

I feel the need to write this, however I kind of don't know how much of it I want to share.

I have been pretty stressed out for a whole array of reasons. Yesterday I tried explaining this to a friend who is unaware of the one situation, most of my friends are. So, I explained that one of my issues right now was a relationship issue. I don't know if she was trying to be nice, or just felt it was what needed to be said but she told me it would just blow over. Well, it won't. I really wish it would, but it isn't going to.

I love talking through my fears, yet it takes so much trust to do, theres very few people who see that side of me. I also love writing, it calms me down. I have done a lot of the talking part, total openness and honesty is such a feeling, I don't know if there is any other thing like it. Sure; it is really hard to be totally open, but it can happen if you are feeling comfortable enough at the moment. Somehow I enjoy these open and honest conversations so much better in the dark, alone and cuddling so much more than over the phone, but I will take what I can get. I really hope I don't lose the ability to have these conversations, they keep me going. In a way; I have no idea what to expect, in another I have decided to prepare myself for the worst, then at least I am not disappointed too much more.

Unfortunately, I believe he is preparing for the best, and as much as I really hope for the best, I am in a way expecting the worst or at least somewhere in the middle. I know that sounds really terrible, but I am not an optimist, I am quite a realist, even if that makes me a pessimistic at times. It stresses me out, it drives me insane and it makes me want to run.

I find it amusing he is so worried I am going to leave him, over this. There may become a point I can't deal with it for personal or professional reasons, but for now that isn't the case. If I wanted to run I would have done so already. This totally honest relationship we have is wonderful; but it is pretty intimidating. If I accepted getting into this, despite the problems, and with all strings attached you can bet I am going to do my best to make sure that these strings don't split us up.  If a time arises where I feel I need to make that decision, I will do so, but I will indeed talk about it with him.

I would love to say your past makes no difference and in so many ways it doesn't but it does. At the same time, it isn't something that needs to destroy your life. I am glad I can make you happy, and as much as this scares the crap out of me; when I am with you it doesn't matter. There was a time you and I would never talk, not like this. I am so thankful for your friendship, and for your willingness to listen. I hope I do the same for you. As I said before, I hope you understand, if I absolutely need to make that decision I will, but I don't see a point in worrying about that right now. We will see how it goes, and take it one day at a time.  For now; remember I am here for you no matter what.